Mohe Ofi. A concept uniquely Tongan yet universal in its activity. Tongan culture expects much from its people and the responsibility of mohe ofi is considerable. It translates as "sleeping near" and signifies the responsibility that a mother has in teaching the rich lessons of the Tongan culture to her child.
Rich is an appropriate word, for the etymology of rich reflects a connection between wealth and power, two concepts that figure largely in Tongan culture but in ways that may seem incongruent to our European gazes. Tonga is rich with rules and norms that define every type of interaction. Home, church, work, the street, the Royal Palace, the wedding, the funeral - each is a place where perception matters greatly. This richness is seen in the roles first defined in families, ultimately extending throughout the nation. The group should be seen as sacred, and an individual's actions are best understood when seen in the context of group. The responsibility of the one to the many manifests in many subtle ways, and it is the burden of the mother to teach her child these roles and responsibilities.
As the only Pacific culture not colonized by Europeans or Americans and the only nation still ruled by its hereditary monarchy, the Tongans have a pride born of a history defined by these complex rules. One example of the intricacy of Tongan culture is the mother. Mohe ofi is a burden, for failure, as seen in a person's improper behavior, results in much shame to the individual and the family. This is a shared burden, for in Tonga the mother is not just the biological mother but all of the biological mother's sisters as well. They are not aunts - only the father's sisters are aunts. The mother's brothers are the child's uncles. And there are no uncles on the father's side, only more fathers. As seen, family is complex, and the responsibilities found within a family are a complexity that mirror the responsibilities found within Tongan society. Mohe ofi. Sleeping Near.
We chose this as the title of our blog because it is a beautiful concept for us. We took it as metaphor. In Tonga, a person who is well mannered and acts culturally appropriate suggests that the mother spent the time to teach the person what is proper, acceptable and respectable. There was her teaching and the teaching of others, through example, through demonstration, through presence, that transfers a Way of Being. What I personally think of the Tongan way of being does not matter. If I lived all of my life here, I still would not be in a position to judge the success or failure of this way of being, but then, it is not my place to judge, now or ever, anything but my own actions.
I can take this concept of Sleeping Near and stretch it out into the activity I see which is universal to us all: teaching. I believe that teaching, and its twin learning, continually occur throughout life for all of us, hence its universality. My own gaze, like everyone else's, has been tinted with so much emotion and passion, so much Art, so much conversation and experience, so much Life, that sometimes I can hardly see the vision which rests before me. We are each constantly faced with the new and unknown, no matter how seemingly fantastic (or fantastically normal) our lives may be. Do I deal with the new and unknown in a proper, acceptable and respectable manner? Am I honoring myself as well as those who came before me when I take the inevitable step forward into the day and its rich lessons?
Of course the Proper and Acceptable and Respectable is subjective. My Sleeping Near, my responsibility, is not to bring my own values and needs crashing onto others. It is not to bring conformity. It is simply a desire to offer a way of being that welcomes coexistence, replaces simple tolerance with sincere acceptance, and celebrates difference in the same moment which sets value to self. Like the responsibility of mohe ofi in Tonga, I do this not alone but with others, in coordination and hopefully in discord as well. Why? So that those who fall within my happy responsibility, who enter my vision, can benefit from what I offer as I benefit from what they offer. We are all teachers, and we are all students. Let our interactions with life be Proper and Acceptable and Respectable in the sense that we fully receive the miracle of each moment. Let us not be strangers to one another in this teaching. Instead, let us always Sleep Near to one another.
Rich is an appropriate word, for the etymology of rich reflects a connection between wealth and power, two concepts that figure largely in Tongan culture but in ways that may seem incongruent to our European gazes. Tonga is rich with rules and norms that define every type of interaction. Home, church, work, the street, the Royal Palace, the wedding, the funeral - each is a place where perception matters greatly. This richness is seen in the roles first defined in families, ultimately extending throughout the nation. The group should be seen as sacred, and an individual's actions are best understood when seen in the context of group. The responsibility of the one to the many manifests in many subtle ways, and it is the burden of the mother to teach her child these roles and responsibilities.
As the only Pacific culture not colonized by Europeans or Americans and the only nation still ruled by its hereditary monarchy, the Tongans have a pride born of a history defined by these complex rules. One example of the intricacy of Tongan culture is the mother. Mohe ofi is a burden, for failure, as seen in a person's improper behavior, results in much shame to the individual and the family. This is a shared burden, for in Tonga the mother is not just the biological mother but all of the biological mother's sisters as well. They are not aunts - only the father's sisters are aunts. The mother's brothers are the child's uncles. And there are no uncles on the father's side, only more fathers. As seen, family is complex, and the responsibilities found within a family are a complexity that mirror the responsibilities found within Tongan society. Mohe ofi. Sleeping Near.
We chose this as the title of our blog because it is a beautiful concept for us. We took it as metaphor. In Tonga, a person who is well mannered and acts culturally appropriate suggests that the mother spent the time to teach the person what is proper, acceptable and respectable. There was her teaching and the teaching of others, through example, through demonstration, through presence, that transfers a Way of Being. What I personally think of the Tongan way of being does not matter. If I lived all of my life here, I still would not be in a position to judge the success or failure of this way of being, but then, it is not my place to judge, now or ever, anything but my own actions.
I can take this concept of Sleeping Near and stretch it out into the activity I see which is universal to us all: teaching. I believe that teaching, and its twin learning, continually occur throughout life for all of us, hence its universality. My own gaze, like everyone else's, has been tinted with so much emotion and passion, so much Art, so much conversation and experience, so much Life, that sometimes I can hardly see the vision which rests before me. We are each constantly faced with the new and unknown, no matter how seemingly fantastic (or fantastically normal) our lives may be. Do I deal with the new and unknown in a proper, acceptable and respectable manner? Am I honoring myself as well as those who came before me when I take the inevitable step forward into the day and its rich lessons?
Of course the Proper and Acceptable and Respectable is subjective. My Sleeping Near, my responsibility, is not to bring my own values and needs crashing onto others. It is not to bring conformity. It is simply a desire to offer a way of being that welcomes coexistence, replaces simple tolerance with sincere acceptance, and celebrates difference in the same moment which sets value to self. Like the responsibility of mohe ofi in Tonga, I do this not alone but with others, in coordination and hopefully in discord as well. Why? So that those who fall within my happy responsibility, who enter my vision, can benefit from what I offer as I benefit from what they offer. We are all teachers, and we are all students. Let our interactions with life be Proper and Acceptable and Respectable in the sense that we fully receive the miracle of each moment. Let us not be strangers to one another in this teaching. Instead, let us always Sleep Near to one another.
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